Healing along the way

This post was in my facebook feed this morning. I smiled as I read others answers. But I also found that I did not resonate with anyone’s answers. Some people said cable tv, dishwashers, cadillacs and such.

The more answers I read the more I knew I needed to dig into this in my own mind and see why I didn’t resonate with any of the answers.

We all know that we draw to us our desires – and I am speaking spiritually, emotionally and even physically. I recognized many years ago that I block financial gain. I did not know why until this silly facebook post this morning. For many years I’ve tried to correct this flaw- I am ready to live in abundance, but if I dare to be even more honest – I am ready to not live in poverty.

Why am I poor? #1 I don’t consider myself poor. My wealth is my health, my family and our joy. I don’t need dollars to be happy. I have 59 years of proving that to myself! I’ve prayed on this, I’ve cleared chakras, I’ve posted pictures of money all over and added it to vision boards but until this morning I could not figure out the blockage.

My inner child’s core belief is that rich people are mean, uncaring individuals that hurt other people. And my little girl is NOT going to be that. So I have blocked myself from ever being ‘rich’ because I do not want to ever be mean, uncaring or the kind of person that hurts other people.

I know how this belief came about in my life. I recognize this belief is not accurate. Rich people can be caring, loving and healing just like me. Poor people can be mean, uncaring and hurtful. But this is one of those core beliefs that has affected my whole life. It is time to heal this for me- and maybe for you too, dear readers!

I’m not wanting to be the richest person in the world and I will begin stopping my critical thoughts towards ‘rich people’ who don’t use their money in the way I think they should. #1 it’s none of my business. #2 don’t judge lest ye be judged. And many other reasons I need to correct my thinking and heal ME.

My thoughts about this facebook post astound me. While I wish I had one of the cute answers of what I thought rich was I don’t. But thanks to a silly facebook post I am healing another part of me- correcting what I have done to myself. Maybe, just maybe I will find out what living in abundance is like. Maybe I can be a blessing to others in ways until this morning I thought were impossible.

Pitter Patter Goes my Heart

Our daughter adopted a fourth foster child- several months ago the paperwork was finalized. It takes a long time for a child to enter the foster system, find a home that is a good fit and then for adoption to be completed.

When your child has a baby- I have always believed that it is their special time to bond with their baby. I’ve always tried to be supportive but not tell them what to do every step of the way. After all I made lots of parenting mistakes and part of those mistakes are how we bond with our babies and work at being a better parent.

When you child adopts an older child they still need that bonding time. And it feels like that bonding time takes longer. I’ve wanted these four children to embrace my husband and I as their lifelong grandparents. I knew it would take time. They have had traumas in their lives that leave them not trusting people.

I’ve gotten to watch them bond to our daughter~ and treat us kindly but not invite us into their circle of trust. I know this can not be forced- it must be earned, but sometimes it feels like it is never going to happen.

But yesterday one more of these precious children asked to come to work with me. After we did my drive up valley and then back home he asked if he could spend the night. I am so excited that I had to share it with the world! It has taken a long time but we have begun a bond and as his grandparents we have been invited into his trust circle.

I pray that we never break his trust. I pray we are the beginning of him being able to recognize good, healthy relationships over abusive, neglectful ones. May he heal in every way- spiritually, emotionally and physically. Tonight he is staying with us again! Two nights in a row ~ Pitter Patter ~ Pitter Patter !

My newest novel is LIVE!

Another touching tale weaved with love, sorrow, hope and joy!

Regina Walker

Saved by an Accident: Rescued Book One
by Regina Walker

A red stallion named Bear lived with a family who didn’t want to go to the trouble of gelding him, so when he got aggressive as a stud, they sold him at auction. An aggressive coming four-year-old stud doesn’t have many prospects in this world, so a kill buyer bought him. During transport to slaughter, a terrible accident occurred taking the lives of several horses on board. Although Bear survived, they put him in a pen on the back of the property and neglected to care for him and the other survivors.

Debra dedicated her entire life to working hard and raising her daughter, Nicole. Being a retired empty-nester wasn’t so bad because she spent time with Nicole often. But when Nicole moves away with her husband, Debra is lonely and lost. When the sweet couple at the old feed…

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Day 51 of 75HARD

Regina Walker

Whew. I don’t even know where to begin. Today is the start of Day 51 of 75HARD. And it has been hard. But it’s been good, so good.

I’m down 31 lbs. My progressive photos blow me away. (Still not sharing because I take them in my skivvies and don’t believe in posting that online.) I have more energy than I’ve had in years. I have been more active – in more ways than just getting in my two work outs.

My chronic pain and headaches/migraines are way down/virtually gone.

I picked the Whole30 diet and even though I’m past 30 days, I haven’t started reintroducing any foods.

Some of the reason for this is that on Thursday, I’m having surgery to repair an umbilical hernia. I don’t want to cause any digestive upset leading up to that surgery or immediately after it. In about two weeks, I will try…

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Manic Depression

I have battled manic depression most of my adult life. I also have PTSD from childhood trauma. I am grateful for the many people and organizations that have helped me heal well enough to be much more functional than I used to be!

I am writing to share the conversation I had with my husband today. Last year there were so many things flying at me (not literally) with the pandemic I felt myself begin to spiral into out of control depression. So I called my doctor and requested anti-depressants.

#MountainFamilyHealth talked with me and checked to make sure I wasn’t suicidal and prescribed me generic Prozac. It has been nearly a year and today when I got the phone call that my prescription is ready my husband said you know this has really helped balance you. You don’t think we are all out to get you anymore. He then described how it felt before – that he would say anything and I would take it personally as an attack on me. And I told him it FELT like an attack- it was real to me.

We continued to talk about the changes and he pointed out that I felt the attack from my daughters too- and I remember FEELING attacked by the words they spoke. In this “balanced” time of my life I can see both sides. It is probably why I have empathy for people fighting addictions that feel attacked. Our loved ones are only trying to help us- not attack us. And I want to apologize to all of my kids that I misunderstood and overreacted to many things I never should have. Please forgive me. I do understand, know and FEEL all of your love.

Then someone misspoke a word on the T.V. and hubby made fun of it. It was funny and I laughed at his silliness. He brightened up and said- THAT’S ANOTHER CHANGE- I can joke and you laugh! He said you always got mad and told me how mean it was. Well I have spent many days being laughed at and treated cruelly so without “balance” it FEELS MEAN. It was not mean- it was funny. I would not have laughed at the person if I was in the physical audience because I would not have wanted to hurt his feelings- but laughing about it in my living room feels like it is okay.

I use quote marks around balance, because taking medication is not the normal I wanted for my life. But it does bring some sort of “balance” to me and helps me interact with my family without them walking on egg shells to not set me off. I love each of you! I am so blessed to have you in my life!

To everyone battling mental illness- Keep battling! Take medication! Keep putting one foot in front of the other! One day, one breath at a time. Reach out because we would rather listen to your story than attend your funeral. You are loved and do what it takes so that you can FEEL that love. I know you deflect it and don’t accept it- because that is what we do. But open the door and allow the love in- you deserve it ; you are worthy ; you are wanted ; you are important; you are trusted ; you are LOVED!

#SaveOurChildren

I am happy that the world is getting behind this movement.  Children have been trafficked, molested, raped and tortured for decades without any substantial help from us the public.

I am putting a few words down on this issue to try to open people’s eyes, hearts and minds.  If you read my blog starting at ‘Yes, My Name is Rebecca’ I tell you of many years of abuse, the lifetime of recovery and so forth.  But stop thinking only men are pedophiles.  Read more of my blogs to see the sexual, physical and mental abuse my male cousin suffered at the hands of his mother.

While my mother never sexually assaulted me she set me up to be used for sex.  She married 4 times and lived with several other men.  The first two I never knew but out of the rest of them I was raped or molested by all but one of them.   I’ve walked thru forgiving my mother for her poor parenting choices in my life.  And while the men were guilty of the acts my mother could have set me up to succeed instead of setting me up to fail.

Stop making your children hug and kiss people that they don’t want to.  Children are full of love- even the shy ones.  If they are not comfortable giving it DO NOT MAKE THEM.  The message you teach them is they have no say and have to do what the adults say.  I was warned to stay away from Uncle Owen and I did stay away from him.  I was not warned to stay away from my father- I didn’t believe I had the right to tell him no.  I did tell him no and he pulled out his gun.  I was told not to tell the family secrets for as long as I can remember.

I am grateful my grandchildren are raised in homes that have NO secrets.  They can tell me anything, they can tell their parents anything.  Yes they tell on me when I get mad and yell at them.  Yes they tell me when their parents get pulled over.  And sometimes their parents get mad and yell too.  But my point is there are no secrets.  NONE.  I was always told don’t tell Linda we were at the bar all night.  Don’t tell the Harroways (babysitters) that Mommy doesn’t EVER work late- she goes to the bar and forgets to pick me up but just tell them Mommy is working late again.   When children have to keep your secrets, then they have to keep the secrets of pedophiles.  I kept all of their secrets for years.  It nearly destroyed me.

And for you tough guys out there- please think long and hard about this.  My brother was my guardian angel.  Dave was 13 years old than me.  He taught me how to fight.  He taught me self defense.  He was the strongest man I ever knew.  I also knew that Dave would kill any of my abusers.  I am not overstating this.  If I had told Dave he would have killed them.  I did not want my brother to go to jail.  I chose to not tell my guardian angel because even though I was raped, beaten and broken- I knew I needed my brother in my life and not in a jail cell because he sought revenge.    I know you mean well- but you might be helping keep the secrets because your sister, daughter, son, niece, nephew, cousin, neighbor won’t tell you what happened because they need you to not lose control and kill their abuser.

They need you to talk to them.  They need you to be nosy.  They need you to be a safe person for them to be with.  And if they don’t want to leave you to be with Uncle so and so…….  don’t make them.  Look for the hidden signs….  if you do even simple research at this time you’ll find clues to look for.  In my area we have a group that works with the forensic investigations of child abuse.  They have lots of resources – some you can find here:  https://www.riverbridgerc.org/resources/ 

My gut reaction each time I learn of another abused child is to seek revenge and end the life of the abuser.  But God leads my path in life and reminds me that He is in control- not me.  So even though we want to harm them- we need to keep the victim in mind and do what is best for them.  The victim needs us.  They need to be loved, accepted and given room to heal.  For us to go to jail seeking revenge means more loss that is avoidable.  So please stop telling those little angels you’ll kill anyone that harms them……   because they won’t tell you when it happens.

And I  say when it happens not if.  While the statistics say otherwise- in my personal experience EVERY woman I know has been abused.  Some of them were only once.  Some of them were often. Whether I know the women well, are just acquaintances or have crossed my path any other way- ALL of them have been abused by someone before they were  18.  Thankfully I only know of 2 ladies who was abused as severely as I was.  I wish I had the answers that would end this plight NOW.  I don’t.  I am willing to discuss this with anyone to help everyone find answers.  Remember NO secrets!  Let your kids tell on your mistakes- your parents are just going to laugh.  And it will help your children.  Grandparents let your grandkids tell on you……  your children will laugh and it will help both your children and your grandchildren.   Teachers, babysitters, Aunts, Uncles and EVERYONE! NO SECRETS!!