God spoke to me and I am trying to listen. I’ve been facing some hard things at the church I attend and serve at. A few weeks ago I cried out to God, This isn’t fair- it feels like he is casting me out of the family I love. I wept.
When I got quiet God spoke. He said to me in His gentle, loving, fulfilling voice – I am allowing the preacher to cast you out of this church, because otherwise you won’t reach for what I have for you. I argued, but God these kids need me. This congregation needs me and I need them. We strengthen each other. And you told me to protect the children. I am trying to. God was silent. He never argues with me….. He lets me go on and on…… Then I have to get quiet and think about what and why He said what He said.
God said He needs me to reach for something. That is exciting and scary. I like my comfort zone. Let me rephrase that – I REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE my comfort zone! But God has a plan. He didn’t give me a clue. Not even a hint! Do I reach or stay?? That decision was the easy one! I am reaching and have let the ‘powers at be’ know at church that my last class with the kids will be Dec 21st.
I am loyal and a fighter. I naturally want to dig in my heels and force the preacher to treat me kinder and accept that I am not his enemy. Sadly, though I understand why he dislikes me. I have to walk and trust God. God said He would protect the kids from any type of harm. Trust and Obey. Trust and Obey. So I have played lots of scenarios in my mind of how to leave. There is only one option. I am here to serve and grow the Kingdom of God. Division is not of God. God multiplies us. He multiplies us spiritually, emotionally and physically. I am to multiply the Kingdom. So I turned in my notice with a quick line of it is time for me to move on.
I hope to be able to share with my family that God is calling me to reach for something. And that they can hold me up in prayers. I hope to not bring ANY division to God’s family. EVER!! I want to bring everyone home to God’s Kingdom- full of love and acceptance.
Having said all of that, it was really hard when one of the kindest ladies texted me and let me know she would make the bulletin for church this week. I know she was recruited to help lift the ‘burdens’ off of my shoulder- but the bulletin has been my ‘baby’. I was so excited when I was given the task of producing it each week. Then it grew to me writing the story each week- Another time God laughed at me! I know I turned in my notice and the tasks I do must be covered, but my ‘baby’ is the first to go. That stung. and it STUNK. I’ve moped today and my family has loved on me. They are excited for this next journey as they didn’t enjoy this church as much I have.
My goal tomorrow is to smile, speak kindly to everyone and pour out God’s love on His family. My goal is not to dig in my heels and bring division. Even when the tasks I do are taken on by others, I pray God reminds me, Reach! Reach, daughter! I have something for you.