4 Good Reasons For A Man To Hit A Woman by Troy Dunn
Lately, there has been much discussion about violence against women by the men in their life. Many have said there is never a good reason for a man to strike a woman but I disagree and today I am speaking out! I have six sons and I have taught them what my father taught my brothers and I: there are four good reasons for a man to hit the woman he loves;
1. Fire. If you look over at the woman you love and discover flames have overtaken your girl, you should absolutely knock her to the ground and start rolling her around.
2. Spider. If your princess discovers a spider wandering across her shoulder and with sheer terror in her voice says “GET. IT. Off! You should smack that 8 legged sucker right off of her.
3. Choking. If over dinner she begins to laugh at another one of your amazingly funny stories and in the process, lodges a bit of her steak in her throat, you have my full support to yank her out of her chair, spin her around and start squeezing her beneath her rib-cage until she spits up!
4. Train. If, while enjoying a peaceful, after dinner walk with your lover, you notice she has wandered into the path of a quickly approaching oncoming train, by all means, grab her by her arm and like the strong man you are, yank her backwards aggressively.
Absent the presence of fire, spiders, choking or trains, dad taught us boys there is never, ever, ever, ever, ever a justifiable reason for a man to strike a woman. Period. He said real men don’t do it. He then added this important definition about being a ‘real man’ which I want to share with all men today;
“Real men don’t allow other men to hit women either.”
I call upon my brothers-in-manhood everywhere to join with me in ZERO TOLERANCE for violence against women. Don’t hit and don’t tolerate hitting. That woman you see getting abused by her “man”, at the club or in the parking lot or even, oh let’s say, an elevator; intervene. Put yourself between the abuser and the victim. Is that dangerous? Could be. But it’s what a real man would do. Always remind yourself when you witness violence on a woman- that is somebody’s mother, daughter or sister.
On July 20th the world lost another sweet soul to suicide. He was an amazing brother, friend, son and young man. The emotional pain he must have felt many people will never understand. Losing this bright young person has brought up so many emotions, not only for me but for his family that loved him dearly. Twenty five years ago the world lost my brother to suicide. It is an occurrence that never goes away, although the pain isn’t as bad now.
I’ve also felt so much emotional pain that I have considered suicide. Some people said I was bi-polar, others maniac depressive and even others call it mental illness. I’ve been thru a variety of counselors and I am blessed that currently I do not fall victim to the terrible thoughts that lead me on a downward spiral.
I’ve had so many thoughts that I want to share with my loved ones and his loved ones. Suicide leaves everyone feeling guilty. People think they haven’t done enough or were kind enough. I am here to tell you my perspective. My dear loved ones- I was the one who wasn’t enough. I never felt good enough to be your mother, wife, sister or friend.
I’ve felt not good enough at most things in my life. That is why I have worked so much. It is the one thing I knew I did well. I fell miserably short as a wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend to everyone in my life. I beat myself up with my shortcomings over and over. I saw glimpses of other lives that seemed ‘perfect’ and knew how broken I was. Comparison is never helpful. We tend to compare our own personal worst blunders to someone’s best successes and that is unrealistic.
At my lowest times I want each of you to know- I didn’t feel ‘good enough’ to be in your life. It was never that you didn’t show me love. It was never that I wanted to hurt you. It was that I felt a complete and total failure and did not want to drag you down with me. I did know how much you loved me. I also knew how much I didn’t deserve that love. I felt as though I was a ball and chain holding you back from flying. I love you with all my heart, soul, body and mind. But all the love in the world doesn’t fix depression. It doesn’t even scratch the surface of it.
It is not your fault that we have lost loved ones to suicide. You are mourning your brother today, I am mourning my brother and yours. Life has dealt us a hand of cards I wish we could discard. I wish that we could stack the deck and have our brothers back in our lives.
That is me being selfish. I honestly believe that our brothers are in heaven, pain free and peaceful. They are now part of our cloud of witnesses that cheer us on through life. I should not ever want them to live here and suffer this world again.
I believe we are all spiritual beings here on earth for a human adventure. I miss my brother more than words can ever describe. He was the sweetest, kindest person when he was not drinking. Sadly alcohol changed him into an ugly, hateful person. He was my defender and believed in me like very few people ever have. Of course he also tormented me endlessly just like most big brothers! More than once I remember being tickled until I was crying. What I wouldn’t give for one of those torture sessions today!
Let’s help fight suicide. Suicide Hot Line 1-800-273-8255 If you know someone who struggles with depression be that annoying friend that nags them into successful counseling. I am grateful that my husband did this for me.
Remember – Be Kinder than necessary EVERY one is fighting some kind of battle. Your kindness could help change a life AND the world!
Relay for Life Rifle Event
WHY WE FUNDRAISE!
While the American Cancer Society is making progress toward a world without cancer, only with your dedication and fundraising efforts can we finish the fight against the disease.
With your help, we aren’t just fighting one type of cancer – we’re fighting for every birthday threatened by every cancer in every community. Each person who shares the Relay For Life experience can take pride in knowing that they are working to create a world where this disease will no longer threaten our loved ones or rob anyone of another birthday.
For more than 65 years, the American Cancer Society has been finding answers that save lives – from changes in lifestyle to new approaches in therapies to improving cancer patients’ quality of life. No single nongovernmental, not-for-profit organization in the US has invested more to find the causes and cures of cancer.
You can find more information at http://www.relayforlife.org. Thank you to each one of you who helped, donated money, donated items and walked! We have an awesome team! This was a great time, even though we are worn out!! THANK YOU to everyone who participated!!
What a weekend we had in the newspaper industry. Everything that could go wrong did. From receiving the papers late, to them being too large to fit into the newspaper machines, to the recycle centers all being closed for the holiday weekend leaving us with no place for old newspapers, or to load current papers for delivery.
To add to this frustration a fellow carrier chose to put all of his newspaper trash into our machines at one of the stops. This was the straw that broke my honey’s back. He came unglued at this action. I wrote an email to the two supervisors involved in this area. One of them chose to say nothing. The other way replied with a nasty email, stating it was my job to clean up that trash and if I didn’t want to I should quit my job.
I thought maybe she felt attacked by my email. I decided to stop in the office and speak to her in person. I thought a face to face would be better than the email. I was wrong. She was even more angry and rude. I worked hard at not arguing with her. I finally knew I was at the end of my rope so I told her, I respect you as my supervisor and am walking away now. I have nothing nice to say to you, good bye.
I mulled it over the entire day and much of the night. A friend loaned me a night camera. My plan was to go out and get pictures of whoever it is putting trash into our machines. I practiced with the camera here at home to make sure I knew how to operate it. Then at route time, I talked myself out of getting out of my comfortable bed and slept. When I awoke in the morning I was concerned how the route went for my husband and called him. He said well you got someone’s attention. I said, please explain. He said all the trash from all the route has been cleaned up.
After much thought and a friend’s post on Facebook, “Forgive them, even when they aren’t sorry” I recalled my own behavior in years past. When addressed by anyone over an issue I felt personal guilt for, my ‘normal’ reaction was to go on the defense. I quite possibly believe that my supervisor felt guilty and defended her carrier, but cleaned up all the newspaper trash so that the struggles between us would subside, at least for awhile.
I may be completely wrong, but I chose to forgive her for treating me so poorly. I was simply trying to point out an issue that needed addressing. I was not complaining, whining or trying to annoy her in anyway! I’ve learned that she sees things through a different set of lenses than I do. I will try to remember that our outlooks are different and give her the freedom she needs.
I also have come to believe that my sweet husband is exhausted and needs some serious rest. I hope to find a way to get him some regular days off so that he can unwind from the stress of working. Being in the newspaper business for 30 years has taken its toll on us. Most of the time we have worked 7 days a week. With the changes in management at the newspaper and the expectations of our employment it at times seems too much to overcome. We seem to not have two way communication with either one of our supervisors. Both of them have told me repeatedly, do it my way or quit. So we do it their way and watch it fail. Then watch them do what we had attempted to suggest, without giving us any recognition. We are not trying to be know it alls, but we deserve some respect!
Forgive them, even when they aren’t sorry! God has forgiven me much. He has forgiven me for sins I forgot I did before I confessed them. I will figure out a way to Forgive them, even when they aren’t sorry!
You know, Mom used to say- if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all! I’ve used that thought in many ways in my adult life. When I realized I was gossiping, I would zip my lip, because gossip hurts everyone. I’ve many times thought a mean thought and not allowed it to cross my lips.
And if I am going to be honest there have been many times that thought didn’t cross my mind and I cut the heart out of someone I love with my words. It never was intentional. Not once did I think this will get them for good- but regardless of why I cut them to the bone with my words, I did. Please forgive me. If you want a face to face apology I am very willing and ready to give that. I do not recall every way I have hurt you with my words-but speak up, tell me and I will apologize, personally.
I recently was called onto the carpet about my actions, words and demeanor as a wife. She witnessed what she felt was unfair treatment of my husband. She minced no words in telling me how disrespectful I was. I have spent a lot of time pondering what she said. Whether I agreed why she was sharing this information was put aside and I could see why she said the things that she said. I do not believe she was 100% accurate, but I certainly did need to work on my attitude and demeanor towards my husband.
I sat down and apologized to him. I explained some of my frustration causing some of my ugliness towards him. We really communicated well. I’ve worked diligently at catching those snide comments and stopping them. I’ve put down my computer and listened to what he was telling me instead of just nodding and not hearing. I’ve seen great improvements in how he has been acting towards me. I’ve seen a gleam in his eyes again that hasn’t been there for a long time.
We actually even began talking about taking a REAL vacation. November marks our 30th anniversary. We’ve never had a honeymoon or vacation, just the two of us. He said Bahamas! A dream come true for me! I’ve always wanted to go the Caribbean ‘area’. I’ve been vacation shopping and thought I would show him what I had found this weekend so that we could either choose one or at least fine tune my search. Then a hiccup came along that has me writing a blog!
I was offered 2 round trip tickets to NYC for an overnight adventure. Wow! Another bucket list item for me, personally. Is it hard for us to take time off? Yes! We are self employed and it is hard to find reliable people to fill in for us. But for ONE night, I was not concerned. I was excited and ready for fun!
I didn’t get home until 9 PM which is late for me. We are busy and the business is growing so both Adriane and I are working hard at pleasing all of our clients. I thought my husband would be as excited as I was about a fun adventure.
While many words were spoken, these are the ones that kept replaying in my head, “YOU don’t even know how to have FUN, WHY would you want to something like THAT?” He then marched off to bed. After I finished another hour of work I cried myself to sleep.
I felt insulted and I wanted to lash out. Thankfully sleep prevented me from acting out on lashing out. I did have to distance myself throughout the next day as I spent time with God seeking wisdom. God pointed out to me that my husband lashed out because of fear. Fear the trip would cost too much, fear that he would disappoint me if he said that he didn’t want to go to NYC. Many times it is easier to drive our loved ones away, rather than communicate our own real concerns.
I wanted to defend myself when she called me out. I wanted to say but you don’t understand how he treats me. I wanted to make excuses for my poor treatment of my husband. Each time I tried to respond to her God asked me what I had been forgiven. I have been forgiven much, Lord. Can you forgive them? Your husband just wants to be loved. She just wants him to be loved. But, Lord he is …… and he does ……
God said, Forgive him. Love him as you love your neighbor, as you love yourself. Well yea, but I am nice to me! I think God laughed at me then….. I do love him. I am still reeling in hurt at this moment, but I love him. I know he loves me, whether I am fun or not. I am ready to forgive and not strike back. He is sleeping but somewhere around our 4AM ritual of work I will reach out to him and tell him I am sorry for not being fun and that I love him.
As the days keep ticking by more and more I learn about my ‘free’ tickets. 1st, they are not free. Oh my! I do think there is a possibility that they may help us on one leg of our anniversary vacation. Soon I will get more information about these tickets and have more of our questions answered. At this point it looks like I am not going to be crossing NYC off of my bucket list, just yet. I will make it there some day!
Remember to chose your words wisely. Don’t lash out and hurt your loved ones. Without God in my life I would have made my husbands poor choice of words another long session of trading insults and disrespecting him. Thankfully God encouraged me to ‘let it go’. In the big scheme of things- does it really matter?
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
It is far more important to love each other, than to ‘get even’ when we get hurt!
Happy Independence Day! By Rebecca Maloney
I, pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
I grew up saying this pledge every morning at school. My childhood home did not foster loyalty to one another let alone our nation. But getting to join with my classmates repeating this pledge for many years helped me feel compassion for people who served in the military and gave of their lives whether it was for four years or forever some true meaning.
It saddens me that our youth does not recite the American Pledge. While I agree education begins in our homes, I am one of the many students that school managed to fill in some major gaps that my childhood home failed at.
I am grateful to be a citizen of the U.S.A. With this citizenship I have lived a life of luxury. I have NEVER had to sleep outside- I get to do it for fun! I have never gone to bed hungry. My family has always had medical care, whether they needed a Band-Aid or put onto a respirator for a week.
I may get frustrated with our leaders, but I get to vote and change our leaders. I get to complain and not worry about repercussions. I get to worship God freely!
We live in a God Blessed nation. Please join with me and pray that God continues to Bless each of us and our nation. Lord please Protect us, guide our paths as individuals and as a nation, pour Godly wisdom into each of our leaders that we may be led by God in every vote, decision and choice we make in our lives!