Yes, My Name is Rebecca Chapter Eighteen

Chapter XVIII
Dave’s ashes had been sent to me. Sharon thought it would be good to have Bret there for spreading Dave’s ashes. So Bret flew up in late June and spent most of the summer with us. Mom told me that Dave’s best friend wanted to be there too. I set up the time and so forth so that Dave’s best friend could come. I told her to give him my phone number and address so we could coordinate when he got to Colorado. He was supposedly going to fly into Denver and drive up. She was not able to confirm with me if he was going to come. I finally was agitated by her and this request and snapped at her who is this guy? I don’t know of anyone Dave would call his best friend. She told me Carl Hoffman. I thought she was crazy. I had never heard that name and I knew my broth-er really well. I had postponed the original date and finally told her I am doing this.
I believe that God protected me in this. Looking back on this time of my life and knowing that I had completely blocked who Carl was this scripture comes to mind: 1 Corinthians 5:11 “But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idola-ter or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.” My heart tells me that God prevented Carl from coming and protected me and my family from the harm his appearance would have caused.
Spreading Dave’s ashes is for Bret more than anyone else. So LeRoy, the kids and I drove up to Buffalo Park. LeRoy said a prayer of sorts and I spread his ashes. We sat for a while without much to say. We were driving back when Bret tearfully said ‘Why didn’t he know I loved him enough to live?’ I began crying with Bret. Suicide leaves us all feeling so lonely. After Bret went home, Regina told me some disturbing news. They had played ‘house’ and he had directed oral sex to and from her. I was violently ill. Bret had spent some time with LeRoy and I decided that LeRoy had molest-ed Bret, causing Bret to molest Regina. So at that time I thought LeRoy had actually managed to hurt Regina even though I had tried to protect her with all my strength. I asked a neighbor to watch my kids and I left. I drove up to LeRoy’s trailer and got my 257 Roberts Rifle. I knew where he was camped watching some cows. No one knew I had gone to his trailer or that the rifle exist-ed. It was one of our ‘secrets’. I drove up into the trees and parked the truck. It couldn’t be seen from the road, I hiked over to the ridge and laid down on my stomach. I found his camp, there was smoke coming from the fire pit. He usually didn’t get too far away if there was a fire burning. I saw movement. A 4 wheeler, LeRoy was driving it. I was surprised- I did not know he had a 4 wheeler. He pulled up in front of his camp. He was doing usual things and did not seem to know I was there. I didn’t think he would but I was watching details closely. I went over it in my head again. No one knows that I am here. I saw no vehicles or people between his trailer and this stop. I don’t have an alibi worked out yet, but there is no one that can place me here. I can get rid of the rifle- and no one knows about this rifle, except my Granddad, but I already planned on that and was using LeRoy’s shells- so without the gun they wouldn’t be able to match it. Granddad thought LeRoy sold this gun years ago. I did not want to take the shot with him moving- I had to make a kill shot- I knew I could do it if he sat down- I held him in that rifle scope for 3 hours. I could not pull the trigger. Here is the man that caused my baby girl to learn about sex before she should have had to, and I could not pull the trigger. I left. I returned the rifle to its unknown hiding spot. I drove home feeling as though I had failed as a mother. I told Mike what had happened with Bret. I called my sister and told her- she said do you think Dave molested Bret? I said I never thought about that- maybe it wasn’t LeRoy? I called Sharon and told her what happened. I said I am sorry but we need to find out who molested Bret. We all talked openly and Sharon was certain it was simply from Bret walking into the bedroom at inopportune times. My brother-in-law called me. He told me of a time when he was a young boy and experimented with ‘sex’ with his cousin. He said he believed it was child’s play, not abuse. It is normal, although I do understand that to you and Linda it is not. I believe the Holy Spirit kept me from pulling the trigger that day.
We had taken on the Kremmling newspaper route for the Denver Post. It was a small route overall, except we had to drive out to Heeney on Sundays. It was nearing our anniversary and both Mike and Spike (the owner of the bakery in Kremmling) kept urging me to stop by the bakery the morning of our anniversary. Well they were both practical jokers and I did not want some mean trick pulled on me. So I delivered the newspapers and did not stop in. Mike worked at Pepsi. Spike called me at home about 11 in the morning in a panic! He said Becky you didn’t stop in! I said nope, no jokes on me! He said I have a cake for you- Mike ordered it. I am sending it with the milk man can you meet him? I said yes, I am so sorry. I went down to the dairy and met him when he pulled in with a beautiful bakery cake for our anniversary.
I was driving home from Heeney one Sunday morning and there are lots of rolling hills between Heeney and Kremmling. As I crest-ed one hill I saw a herd of deer headed for the highway and would be in the swell of about 3 hills away from me. I arrived there just about the same time they did. It was a large herd so I turned off the truck and was browsing thru the newspaper as this herd crossed. I looked up as the last of them were on the road and there was a three legged deer. His right hind leg was gone basically from the bottom of the hip. There was some skin hanging that looked as though it had covered the upper leg bone but no bone left. I watched them closely as they bounded over the 4 foot highway fence. When he got to the fence he began to panic and was jumping in place and scared. About 6 deer came back, bounded to my side of the fence and encircled him. They nudged him with their noses and it appeared that they were encouraging him to jump the fence. He jumped it and began up the hill and they all followed him. I am still stunned that I got to witness animals taking care of each other. It is not always survival of the fittest.
Mike’s childhood buddy Jimmy had moved to California. He was married to a nice girl, Stephanie. They came for Christmas. They spoiled our girls rotten. I was surprised because this bachelor buddy of Mike’s who did not want Mike to hook up with me sure had transformed and was a family man. It was a fun visit.
My father had been moving around quite a bit. Everywhere that he moved to I called the family or friends and frankly told them that he was a pedophile and to please not trust him around their children. Most of the family began ostracizing me for this but protecting children is worth it. He was living out on the Stuer Ranch. I had spoken to both Jay and Paula. I had told them not to leave their kids with him. Paula never much liked me, but Jay was like a brother to me.
I told Mike about going to the Catholic Church and leaving there believing that God had twisted the Priests words so that I could not hear it. Believing I was going to hell and so forth. He asked me a few questions about it having attended Catholic School for his elementary school years. He began laughing, I told him this is very personal please do not laugh. He assured me he was not laughing at me. He said you had to have gone to an Old Catholic Church. They were preaching in Latin. I said are you sure? Why would they preach in Latin- I know 99% of the people there did not know Latin. They may have known Spanish but definitely not Latin. He said yes, positive. Wow! I cannot describe how healing that was to learn it wasn’t God forsaking me!
I remember when Adriane began walking she would pull herself up on Duke. He would stand as still as he could while she pulled herself to her feet. When she was stable he would take one step and stand still until she took a step and was stable. He would then take another step. It was precious to have a ‘living’ walker for her! Our neighbor was Mary Thatcher (my old boss) and the dog catch-er. Duke loved her! When he wandered away from our home- he would always go visit Mary whether at home or the dog pound. She would call me and say are you missing someone?? Apparently so I am on my way Mary!
I took a job as Motel Manager for the Littletree Inn in Granby. It provided us with a 2 bedroom apt so we lived there and rented out our house. My dear friend Lyndia came to work for me as a housekeeper but truly she did everything. She handled the front desk when needed, helped me with the laundry for the place and most of all loved my children almost as much as me. There was a woman who was the head housekeeper when I was hired as the manager. She turned her resignation in. Her name was Jean Peoples. I watched her work the rest of that day. When she came in to punch out that night I told her I respect your decision to leave. I hope that you will evaluate me, and the type of manager I attempt to be before your notice is over and change your mind. I would like to have you and your skills here. She said she would think about it. By the next Friday she came to me and said if you will allow me to withdraw my resignation I will! I said Happily! She was a hard worker that was dependable. I did not have to go in behind her and finish cleaning rooms. Jean and I became lifelong friends. The previous manager, Debbie sent her teenage sons to pick up the last of her belongings. As the boys walked through the hallway they yanked the posters off the wall and allowed the push pins to fall to the floor. Adriane was crawling and grabbed a pin and swallowed it before I could stop her. I was mortified! I raced her to Dr. Gross-man’s office and said she swallowed a whole push pin. How do we get it out safely? Dr. Grossman chuckled and assured me it would pass through without harming her. I doubted him, but he was right. It never hurt her.
I had a gentleman ask to stay in one of the rooms in exchange for maintenance work. It was a good idea because we had 48 rooms which ran only about 72% occupancy and there is always maintenance to be done. I agreed. His name was Alan and he was very handy. I am filling out the reports from the previous day to fax to the management company when I hear screaming. I step out front and discover Regina hanging from her swing set. Her pony tail got caught up in the top of the swing- I run out to her and hold her up while I untangle her hair- I think how can you hang by your pony tail? Lyndia comes into the office a little while later wanting to use my nail glue. I wore artificial nails and always had glue. I asked her why- she showed me the nose pieces on her glasses were broken and she needed to glue them in place. I said I don’t think this is a good idea. She insisted. I gave her the glue and she promptly glued both of her thumbs to her glasses. I say this type of a day can only happen to me. Alan brings me down some snacks he made and is walking strange- I ask him if he is alright. He sheepishly says well I changed out that fan in room #206, but when I scooted across the stove to get close I accidentally turned on a burner and well… uh… my backside is burned! I knew that I was running a clown motel!
I was cooking dinner one evening when the phone rang. Adriane was getting around very well and I was concerned that she would pull a hot pot down on top of herself so I turned off the stove and pushed the pan to the back and ran for the phone. As I answered I looked back and Adriane was reaching for the stove. I said NO, Adriane that is HOT. Don’t touch. She stopped, looked at me, turned back and put her hand on the burner. I had answered the phone, but don’t remember who it was. I told them I have to go. I rushed to the stove. Adriane pulled her hand off the burner- burnt badly, looked at me and nodded, then said Yes it is hot! She never once cried. We ran her hand under cold water and took good care of it till it healed. She was always my child that raised my horizons and pushed me to learn to communicate in ways others could relate to.
Once again Regina was in the hospital for her 5th birthday. Each year seemed to be getting worse. She wasn’t able to recover quickly or fully. Her little body was worn out from constantly fighting to breath. We talked to the doctors about moving to a lower altitude. They said that wouldn’t help. That people born and raised in high altitudes have stronger lungs than other people and that we just had to find the triggers and remove them from her life. We did more allergy testing. There was never anything conclusive as to what she was allergic to. Her hardest time to overcome was always in February- nothing is growing in February in Colorado. One of her nurses brought her a teddy bear for her birthday- (she couldn’t have stuffed animals) it was bigger than she was! We kept this one- I vacuumed it more than the floor I think! Lyndia ran the motel for me while we were in the hospital. She took care of Adriane during the day and Mike was supposed to take care of her at night. Lyndia called me at the hospital and told me you have to come home. I know Regina needs you but Adriane needs you more right now. I am trying to not leave Regina when Lyndia tells me if you don’t come get her I will call social services, I am not leaving her with Mike again. I called my cousin Linda Gay DeBruyn and asked her to sit with Regina and drove to Granby. Mike was tired, Adriane was arguing with him and he had spanked her that morning leaving a full handprint bruise on her backside. I was horrified. I took her back to Denver with me. There was a Ronald McDonald house that I could get us a room in. I did that for a few days but it was too much to have a healthy little girl cooped up in hospital room, so I called some other friends- Tim and Sharon who said yes we will keep her. They kept her for almost 3 weeks before Regina was released and able to come home. Mike was very contrite and vowed to never punish the girls again.
The profit was larger for this motel than they had ever seen. It had been open for 11 years and only made a profit one year of $5000. The year that I operated it there was a net profit of $81,000. They were ecstatic. I am not a GREAT manager- I am an honest person who turned in all of the money. I was given a paid vacation to thank me for all my hard work. They bought airline tickets for all 4 of us to go to Tucson and see Mom! I have hired a different maintenance man and his wife does some housekeeping, Jim and Jo Ellen. Nice couple and fun to be around. I am get-ting things in order for our vacation and a gentleman walks Regina in who is crying her eyes out. She had climbed to the top of her swing set and jumped off. Her arms are hurting. I thank the gentleman and bring her into the apt. I set her down with ice bags and go about my work. Regina is a bit of a cry baby so I am not too worried about her. An hour later she is still complaining about her left arm. I decide I better take her in before the Doctor closes. I call and take her in- they decide to x-ray her arm- hairline fracture. They splint it and tell me to bring her in tomorrow for a cast. Ok, wow! Finally a ‘normal’ childhood Doctor visit! We go home, get up the next morning and Mike takes her in for the cast. We are leaving on vacation the next day and there is lots I need to do. I am making up beds when they get back. She comes running into the room I am in which has two queen size beds. She loved to jump from one to the other. Her Doctor left town on vacation as soon as he put her cast on her. She had been so ill that Dr. Grossman booked his vacation when we did- he did not want us to be stuck in Granby without him. She climbed up on one bed and jumped- and missed the other bed. Falls to the floor comes up screaming that the other arm hurts. Mike had to leave for work so I drove her out to the Emergency Clinic upset to be doing this when I am trying to get ready for vacation! My lack of concern over two broken arms in two days and never having gone to the clinic with her warranted them calling social services. Really? I say when they walk in. I tell them there isn’t a problem here but let’s do your little interview. They run thru their questions with me and I explain to them that she turns blue from asthma causing flight for life trips to Denver I truly don’t think a broken bone to be alarming. They then talked to my shy bashful daughter who tells them she fell off the swing, then missed her jump… Social services laughs and lets us leave. My only concern now is I have to find a Doctor in Tucson to cast her tomorrow! I get back to the motel and let the crew know how she is. Jo Ellen says take her to Dan. I think and say, you mean your ex-husband? She says yes, he is a pediatric orthopedic Dr. I said ok, do you think you can get me an appointment? She says of course, we call him and he says, sure just come in whenever you get to town. His office is on Grant Rd- which is the main road to Mom’s little Richey Blvd. We stop in and are ushered immediately into a room. He looks at the x-rays that I brought with me. He says these aren’t bad enough for casts. He cuts off the one cast and gives us removable casts so that she can go swimming and play! I am wondering, because I don’t know him but this is his specialty. I walk up to the receptionist to pay and there is a Time magazine sitting on the counter. Time magazine has just named this man the Pediatric Orthopedic Doctor of the Year. I nearly faint- there is no way I will be able to afford this. The receptionist looks at me and says oh there isn’t any charge for family. I said thank you and left! I did not ask ‘are you sure?’
The motel was sold at auction. It had been part of the Savings and Loan financial failure in the late 80’s. The year that I ran it was the only year on record showing a profit and they put it on the auction block. We found a partner and financing to purchase it ourselves. The federal government was offering financing but turned Mike and I down. We have always had good to outstanding credit with a stable address but we had to find private financing. We agreed to not pay more than $450,000 for the motel. We went to the auction and it sold very fast for $900,000. So obviously it went higher than we were willing to pay but I was irate at the entire deal. It sold to some people living here in Colorado holding work visas from Poland. They received their financing from the federal government. I was amazed that they turned us down for ½ that amount and yet approved non-residents for a loan of that size. They were nice people and wanted me to stay on. I tried to make the changes that they wanted to make until one day they came in and took out the cash register and gave me a locking box for mon-ey. I told them I would not help them not claim income and turned in my notice. We were all glad to move back home. We bought a Lhasa Apso while we lived here. His name was Josh and he was totally my dog. He did not like the kids or Mike. One night making a walk around the building letting the dogs go to the bath-room and check to see all the doors were closed there was a man in the parking lot behaving strangely. I had to keep Josh on a leash because he would bite anyone at any time with or without reason, but Duke always was off leash. I spoke to the man who did not respond. I walked a little closer and said Good Evening again- he looked up surprised and began walking straight at me. I pulled Josh in closer and asked him if he was alright. He was walking straight at me causing me concern with his body language and lack of responding to me. I was sizing up my options when here comes big loveable Duke whom had never even barked while living with us. He plants himself in front of me, raises his hackles and begins a deep low growl- the man froze in place. I asked him if he needed help, he spun on his heel and went back to a car. We stood there and watched him get a suitcase and go to a room. I made note of the room and finished our walk. I called the Sherriff’s office that did drive thru’s randomly. I told them if they drove thru to keep an eye around that room. Praise God there were no other issues from that man and they left the next day.


Yes, My Name is Rebecca Chapter Seventeen

Chapter XVII
We had made a trip to Denver and when we got home late and there was a message on the answering machine from my sister in-law. Sharon talked a long time. 45 minutes actually. I used to joke she didn’t need someone on the other end of the phone for a conversation. She was upset and not telling the reason for the call. She and Dave had been separated for about 6 months maybe longer. Dave had moved to California which I believed was a good thing. I was always concerned that he would in a drunken rage kill Sharon, Bret and then himself. I called Sharon back knowing she didn’t mind late phone calls. It was about 8 or 9 PM January 31, 1990. She was crying. Dave had committed suicide. He had shot himself in the chest. She had not been able to get a hold of my sister. No one had told my Mom. Sharon wanted to go tell Mom in person, neither of us thought a mother should get a phone call like this. But my Mother hated Sharon. I asked Sharon who was with her. She said her brother Roger. I asked if I could speak to him. I told Roger, Mom is angry with Sharon and I am concerned that she will say unforgiveable things. I don’t want Sharon hurt any more than she already is. Roger said he would stay with Sharon and not let them hurt each other. We got off the phone and my own grief started grabbing a hold of me. Mike heard me sobbing and came. He said you have to calm down. I told him my brother is dead. He said it doesn’t matter- you have to calm down. You have to worry about this baby and was rubbing my stomach. I tried to get control and began trying to get a hold of my sister. There was no answer at her home, I left an urgent voice message to call me back. The next day I called Cari and told her I had to get a hold of Linda. Most the time when she left town Dave fed her animals. I was hesitant to tell Cari why. Cari was a young girl when Ken died. I called to tell Linda and Cari was home alone. I told Cari not thinking about Ken being her Grandpa. She handled my phone call well but was upset when she called her Mommy. I didn’t want to do that to her again. But she guessed what was so urgent and assured me that he hadn’t been responsible for the animals this time. She then gave me the number of where Bob and Linda were. They were in Colorado. Not far from me, but apparently they didn’t want to visit. I called Sherry’s and spoke with her. I had met her in California, she told me that they were not there but would have them call. I explained why and asked for her to have Bob call me so we could determine if Linda could handle this news. Bob called me that afternoon and I told him that Dave had shot himself in the chest. That a police officer had found him. He felt that Linda could handle the news. I was concerned be-cause part of the reason for their trip was to get away from Dave and his drama. He stayed on the line and I told her Dave was gone. Thru the next couple of weeks we decided to spread Dave’s ashes in Colorado- up in Buffalo Park where my gold mine claims were. Everyone was worried about Mom. Mom came up to stay with us. That way we could keep an eye on each other. I started having early contractions. Regina caught a cold and off to the hospital we went. She recovered quicker this time and while in Den-ver I did not have any contractions. This baby was not due until March 27th. Dr. Grossman demanded that I move to Denver. I begged, pleaded and he stood with Mike stating that I must go. We had it set up for me to deliver at University Hospital. We had no health insurance so the program we found gave me about a 3 week time period to deliver at little or no cost at University hospital. Mom, Regina and I went to Denver. We found an acceptable kitchenette motel room that we could stay in. We thought worst case 6 weeks. We spent one night in the hotel room. The next morning my Uncle John called me, he said get over here to my house. I said Uncle John we will be over to visit but I have to get Mom accustomed to the trip to the hospital and my car. He said you are not staying in a motel you will stay here. I said Uncle John, I appreciate your offer but please it is not just me. I am here with Mom and Regina- you’ve been a bachelor for a long time. He said don’t make me come down there and pick you up. I took a deep breath and said ok we will come over. We packed up and went to Uncle John’s. He was a gracious host. We bought the groceries and tried to take care of the house. Each night when he came in from driving his dump truck he would call Regina out. She would help him park his truck. He was teaching her about the gauges and levers. They would come in and do a few things in his office. Then he would tell her ‘Scram kid’ and she would come running. He took us to the flea market. We lived there for nearly 2 months. Each afternoon I would start having contractions and then at 10 PM they would stop like someone flipped a switch. Twice Mom drove me to University Hospital as we both thought this is it. Nope, it wasn’t. I had to find a doctor- I went to Dr. Cohen. I explained I have no insurance. I must do this as low cost as possible. His fee was $1200 and he would take payments forever as long as I made a payment each month. He told me, pack your own Tylenol, kotex and such. We will get you into the hospital after 12 noon and out before noon the next day then there is only one day charge at the hospital. Mike came down for a couple of visits. March 27th came and went with no ba-by. Uncle John took Mom and me to the Mile High Flea Market so I could walk this baby out! 5 miles of Flea Market on Wednesdays and weekends – still this baby clung tight to her home.
Although anxious to return to our home in Granby I had a delightful time with my Mom and my Uncle John. We grew a bond I had never realized was missing. Although grieving my brothers’ death we were laying hands on my belly, feeling Adriane’s kicks and rolls. Mom and I were cooking meals together, cleaning up the house as a team and truly enjoying the company of each other.
God worked so much good into my life thru this time in Denver waiting for His precious gift of love to join us on the out-side world!!
Keith was flown back to us two weeks before April 9, 1990. I made school phone calls and got him enrolled and such. Mike and Keith came down to visit on April 9th. I had an appointment with Dr. Cohen and Mike came with me. Dr. Cohen said do you want to have a baby today? I said Yes! He said meet me at St. Jo-seph’s at 3PM. We drove back to Uncle John’s and got our bag. We told everyone that we were going to have a baby! Mom was a trooper thru all of it. Mike and I went to the hospital. Dr. Cohen induced my labor at 3:30 PM and Adriane Rose Smith-Maloney was born weighing 6 lbs. at 5:34 PM. It was a fairly easy birth although we had a few moments of excitement. Dr. Cohen determined I would need an episiotomy and gave me a numbing shot. I was not numb and he gave me several more shots. Finally he had to per-form the episiotomy, Dr. Cohen apologized and said we have to do it. He began cutting, I began screaming as a nurse came in and asked him why he had not given me anything! Dr. Cohen thru clenched teeth indignantly replied I gave her 6 shots- how many do you want to give her? She apologized and began helping him. I had chosen not to find out whether I was pregnant with a boy or girl until birth. Once the baby was out, Mike said we have another girl! I recall saying ‘Thank God!’ Apparently I wanted another little girl more than I realized. The nursing staff began to wheel her bassinette out of the room to the nursery. Mike said, I am staying with her, I don’t want to leave you but I don’t want to lose sight of our daughter. I agreed and off they went while Dr. Cohen stitched me up. When he was done, he helped me sit up and we found where I was numb. I had a circle area in the middle of my back numb for most of the night! They moved me to a joint room and we settled in for the night. Mike and Adriane came to our room. Adriane had a hospital band on and easier to identify now. Mike and I had not ever discussed a concern over babies getting switched and such, but it did my heart a lot of good that he looked after our precious baby while I was unable to. The staff kept trying to take Adriane to the nursery and away from me. I got angry and told them, she is my baby- leave us alone! She was healthy and didn’t need nursing care, she needed Mommy care! We were released the next morning about 7 AM and Mom picked us up. We went to Uncle John’s and we loaded up all our stuff, I drove home and Mom caught a plane back to Tucson the next day. One of the ‘gifts’ for us at Uncle John’s was a picture that Keith had drawn. It was pink roses for his baby sister.
One day after we got home a Kirby salesman knocked on the door. They were offering a free cleaning of one room to show their vacuum. I had my Grandma Likes’ Kirby vacuum but it was broken. My vacuum was a worn out Hover. They convinced us and we bought a brand new Kirby- they also took my Grandma’s and serviced it for free- so then I had two good vacuums. I told Dr. Grossman about getting the new vacuum so he kindly wrote me a prescription for it, and I was able to write it off of our taxes!
(1990) I saw an ad for a children’s Starbound beauty pageant. I enrolled Regina. It was a weekend in Denver. They explained the rules of which were to bring the children in comfortable clothes on Saturday for activities. We arrived in a sweat suit and found all of the children dressed with fancy dresses and tuxedos. I was dismayed that they were dressed so nicely but we stayed and did what was scheduled for Saturday. Sunday was dress up day and the kids were supposed to speak. As we were watching all these poor kids were crying and terrified. None of them wanted to be on the stage or said much other than their names. Regina asked me what she was supposed to do. I told her the judges just want to hear a little about you. Tell them how old you are and what you like to play with. She said ‘Ok!’ They called her name and up on stage she ascended. She introduced herself and took off talking. She told us about her toys, her favorite color and so forth. After a few minutes one of the judges thanked her and said that is enough. She looked at me and I nodded my affirmation to come off the stage. She started to step away then quickly turned back and said- Goodbye- and I love my Mom! The whole room chuck-led at the sweet honesty. She won 1st place beauty and 3rd place in photo. I enjoyed this opportunity but was saddened to see how the parents treated their children. They were exploiting these little ones and demanding perfection. I knew that would be the only time we did something like that- I did not want to act like most of the parents acted that were there.
One of the neighbor boys whose first name was Michael had hit Regina. I was not happy about it. His parents said he has ADD and isn’t able to process correct behavior. Regina came in rather pleased with herself a week or so after and proceeded to tell me that Keith had held Michael down and let her kick him. Michael and Keith were about the same age which is what bothered me about this older boy hitting Regina. I told Regina what they had done was wrong and she would have to stay in and not play. I called Keith in and talked to him about it. I explained that I was happy he looked after Regina like that, but that it wasn’t right for them to hurt Michael. He said but Becky she barely even kicked him- he was more scared because I was holding him but her little taps didn’t hurt him. I thanked him for defending her and asked him to be very careful to not let it get out of hand. And amazingly even though he had ADD he understood getting hit- and never attacked the Maloney kids again!
I enrolled Regina into gymnastics. Kathy was the instructors name and she was loads of fun. She really wanted me to leave the class but I did not enroll her to dump her off. We had worked on animal sounds her whole life. One of the first things Kathy has the kids do is leaps, somersaults and such with naming off animal sounds. Regina said them all the way Kathy taught them, except one. The song went something like this, ‘Hippity Hop, a frog says ______’. Regina filled in the blank with what I had taught her- CROAK. Kathy starts laughing and says What? All these little kids say ‘RIB-BIT’ except for Regina who is loud anyway and says even louder ‘CROAK’. I thought Kathy was going to fall down she was laughing so hard. Regina was still too young to be offended by someone laughing, so I was the only one feeling awkward but had to laugh because of her sweet innocence. It was a great learning session that ended with the kids tumbling in the 4th of July parade!

Yes, My Name is Rebecca Chapter Sixteen

Chapter XVI
We had talked about having another child. My sister had told me years before that she wished she had had two children. Then they always have a friend- I thought that sounded good. My sister was 14 yrs older than me so I didn’t have that friendship- I was raised nearly an only child and always wanted a sibling. Mike agreed and we began trying. It did not take long, I was pregnant. I was telling Regina we would be having a baby and trying to prepare my soon to be 2 year old for a sibling. Eric was released from detention be-cause he was 18 and came to stay with us. Chris called us exasperated and demanding to send Keith to us sometime in late February or early March. I was getting really big and went in on March 31 for my 5 month checkup. Dr. Grossman said if I continued to grow like this we would test for twins next month. I said if there are twins in here you get one of them! I did not sign up for twins- Mike and I planned on one more baby! I went home and was cooking dinner. We were going to have Fried Chicken, mashed potatoes and corn. I was not feeling very well. Eric asked me what was up. I said I don’t’ feel good. He said I can finish cooking dinner, why don’t you go lay down. I quizzed him a little to make sure and left him to cook dinner. I laid down and Mike closed our bedroom door. When the door was closed I could not hear anything outside, they also could not hear me. I woke up at about 7:15 in hard labor. I screamed but no one could hear me. I managed to reach one of my shoes and threw it at the door- Mike came racing in and we called Dr. Grossman at home. He said you can’t be in labor- but Mike convinced him I was and he met us at the emergency clinic. My water had broke and the baby was half way out. They started a drip that stopped the contractions. Dr. Grossman loaded me into the ambulance and told the driver to wait. He got in with me and said you have to tell me where to go. If we go to Denver the baby might live, if we go to Kremmling the baby probably won’t live. I looked at him- I said at 5 months if the baby lives what will be wrong with him? Terry said I don’t know but probably Cerebral Palsy and or more. I said let us go to Kremmling. He called Terry the driver- and we headed for Kremmling. When we got there they stopped the drip and he was born. He did not have enough lung development to breath so he died. They put me into a room for the night, Mike left to deliver newspapers and I spent the night at the hospital. They told me if I wanted to hold my baby they would bring him to me. They asked me what I wanted to name him. I called Mike to talk it over with him, but he was sleeping. Eric said he had come in from the route and been asleep. I decided to name him Nicholas David Smith-Maloney. I finally asked to hold him. He was so tiny. He had a huge blood blister on his left leg- they said from being pinched in the birth canal.
Finally around 5 PM Mike showed up and drove me home. I then had to deal with the funeral home and decide whether to cremate or bury my baby. It was horrific. My Mom came and so did my sister. I finally decided cremate him then bury his ashes in the Kremmling Cemetery. I became extremely depressed. I begged Mike to send Regina to my sister. She kept asking me for the baby I promised her. I couldn’t make her understand there wasn’t a baby and it hurt to keep trying to. I did not want to live. I felt Nicholas was taken from me because of having an abortion. I have about 3 months that I can’t remember anything. I do recall Mike calling home on a Sunday morning and told me that he was on his way home and we were going to breakfast. I said I am not going anywhere and hung up. I rolled back over in bed and was asleep when he came in loud and pushy telling me to get up we are going to breakfast. I said NO- he started throwing some of my clothes at me and yelling at me to get up and get dressed. I couldn’t believe how thoughtless he was being making me do this. He got Regina dressed and ready to go. We got to the café that I had worked at but not since I lost Nicholas. Alice stomped up to our table and said are you ready to come back to work? I said No and Mike said Yes. She said perfect- be here tomorrow at 2 you have the place to yourself. And off she stomped. Annie was the other waitress and she took our order brought our breakfast and when we left she also said see you tomorrow!
I was mad- I yelled at Mike- how you expect me to work when I can’t even get out of bed. He sulked most of the day. I got up the next day, took care of things around the house and went to work. I am working as a waitress at the Windy Gap Restaurant owned by Susie. Regina is in a daycare across the street in the Presbyterian Church. I get home one night and Mike says Regina is bruised and she wasn’t able to tell me what happened. We talk about it. It is in her crotch. I don’t know if he is overreacting or not but we both agree not to wake her up. In the morning I see the bruise. It is an elongated bruise at the top of her inner thigh. I try to handle things without panic. My brain is running thru the possible ways a bruise like this could happen. Finally 9 AM rolls around and the daycare is open. I walk over there and say to the woman running it that Regina came home with a serious bruise and I need to know what happened to her. She gets defensive and swears she never got hurt. I said yes she did and I am here to find out how, if you can’t tell me I will have to involve the authorities. She says well she fell threw one of the chairs but she didn’t even cry. Are you sure she is hurt? Do not ask me if I am sure. I do not create drama and it infuriates me to be questioned. By the time I walked back into our home I was vomiting feeling certain she had been violated. Mike and I decided to call Dr. Grossman. I spoke with him on the phone about how to find out if she had been violated. He recommended a physical exam and if the exam showed violation filing a police report. Mike agreed to take her in for the exam as I was not mentally capable of being there. I went to work. I can usually work thru any turmoil in my life. The afternoon was slow as usual with only one table of customers in the café. I was cleaning in the waitress station when I heard the front door open. Mike was go-ing to come tell me as soon as the exam was over. I stepped out of the station and saw him. He shook his head no, he said she is ok- no one has touched her. I stepped backwards into the station to the wall- slid down the wall crying hysterically in relief. Mike sat her at a table and Susie came out of the kitchen to see me sobbing. She asked me and I couldn’t even speak- Mike told her and she said you go home with your family right now. Hold that baby. I will. I held her all afternoon. Susie got us into Mary Jane’s day-care. She had a son that was Keith’s age and the most desired babysitter in the area. She agreed to take Regina. She helped Regina get over wanting to bring home every baby she saw. Mary Jane was a good person.
Life has returned to ‘normal’. I figured that Mike had not left me like I expected. I had decided not to have another baby. I knew there was no way I could survive burying another child. We made plans to get married. I figured anyone who had put up with me thru all this and still wanted to get married I would agree. We set the date for November 12 1988. Although neither of us drank, as we were planning our reception we decided we would provide alcohol. Mike had told me he was an alcoholic, but we had been together for three years and I did not believe it. But he began drinking the morning of our wedding and it was many years before we got him sober again. Sadly he was drunk when we said our vows. At some point during the reception he actually asked me to take my Mom and leave because they want-ed to smoke marijuana. We didn’t leave and the people began going home. I got the house picked up and Mike was passed out. I went out and delivered our Sunday newspapers alone.
We planned a shopping trip for Christmas in December. I got a call to cover a shift which meant we would have to go shopping the following day. Mike said he was going- that the plan was for us to go and he wasn’t cancelling. I was upset about it. He snapped so call in sick- it’s just one shift and not even yours. I snapped- I be-gan screaming you drove me down there and made me go to work- you set it up before we ever walked in there. What do you mean- call in sick?? I don’t call in sick- I work, and I work hard ….. I am turning around to face this fight and Mike is crying. I stop my rant and take a deep breath. I said ok, I know I am dense and miss a lot of things but why are you crying? He said you can hate me forever, but I lost you completely. Yes I got you that stupid job but it wasn’t to work it was to bring you back and it snapped you back to me. So go ahead and be mad I am not sorry I did it. I started crying and called in. I told them I can’t cover that shift I had plans with my family! We went Christmas shopping together.
February is rolling around and yes, Regina is back in the hospital for her 3rd birthday. They tell me it must be dust. I am to get rid of every cloth toy- not wash them- get rid of them. So every stuffed animal gets thrown out, every soft doll. I buy plastic covers for her bed. I buy new pillows for her room. We create a ‘dust free’ room for her.
We made plans to go to Denver to celebrate both my and Keith’s birthdays. His is on the 2nd and mine the 7th of June. We were go-ing to go to Malibu which was a place that Keith could drive golf carts, had an arcade and more. I got home from work and they were not home. They came in later and confessed they had gone to Denver without me. I was angry, hurt and felt left out. Our trip was planned for two days later. We went down two days later and Keith had a blast. They printed him his own driver’s license. We were standing there watching him drive around the track. I realized Mike was not beside us. I watched Keith for a little while longer and decided to go find Mike. I walked inside and saw him playing an arcade game. I was standing quietly watching him and the game totally changed. It changed 4 more times and finally said game over. I said I don’t mean to sound dumb but can you tell me what happened with that game? He said what do you mean? I said I was watching you and it changed- the scenery and your player- and it changed like 5 times….. He said really? Haven’t you ever played arcade games? I said no not really. I would lose a quarter or two and decide to not throw away my money like that. He put in a quarter and started playing the game and began to ex-plain it to me. On one quarter he went to the 6th level of the game. I said hmmm I bet you’ve wasted a lot of quarters to be that good! He didn’t think they were a waste! We left and had some dinner and all came home. At home Keith and Mike gave me my birthday present. They had gone to Denver and bought me an opal ring. My favorite stone has always been an opal. It was a beautiful ring. I apologized for being mad that they went to Denver without me. It was the only way they could get this gift and surprise me.
And then surprise #2 for us happened! I was pregnant. I was ex-cited and scared. Mike was very concerned. Once again went thru another easy pregnancy. No sickness, I felt good and the Dr. and Mike watched every little thing. Christy, my cousin in Wyoming called me to tell me she had a crib that I could have. We set up to meet in Rawlins. Her boys had a wrestling match at the school in Rawlins. I drove up, watch the wrestling match and came home with a crib for our soon to be bundle of joy!

Yes, My Name is Rebecca Chapter Fifteen

Chapter XV
On Nov 19, 1986 Regina was 9 months old when I left her at home with Mike and went to give my friend Lyndia a ride from her job at the Tabernash P.O. to the shop where her car had been repaired. My nephew Bret was visiting and I brought him with me. It was snowing and I drove our “new to us” 1979 White Subaru. I picked up Lyndia and we headed back towards Granby. On Red Dirt Hill and truck coming down took my lane. I was concerned because the truck seemed to be driving very fast. There were 3 vehicles coming towards me that this truck was trying to pass. Lyndia be-gan screaming and I told her- that is not helping me. Look around and find me a way to get out of its way. There was a hill on the right side of the highway but I was pretty sure that I could make it into the bar ditch after that hill. I downshifted to 3rd gear. I was steering onto the shoulder heading for the bar ditch when this truck jerked onto my shoulder of the road leaving me no time to cross in front of it. I returned to my lane- there was a car on my left and this truck on the shoulder of the road, I thought we are actually going to pass each other and everything is going to be okay- and the truck turned into us. I knew it would kill all of us. There was glass breaking and I felt as though we were spinning in circles. All the motion stopped, I blinked my eyes. I am alive. There was no glass left in my car. The wind was blowing; Lyndia was sitting on her knees on the floorboard. But I thought she was dead. She was ghostly white, with a trickle of blood coming out of the corner of her mouth. Bret said something, I reached for him and he was climbing into my lap. I was turning his head as I didn’t want him to see a dead body. I was rocking him and telling him we were ok. A nice gentleman asked me if he could keep Bret warm in his car and I said yes, thank you. He took Bret out the car win-dow and I realized Lyndia was trying to breath. She was a severe asthmatic so I reached into her coat pocket and got her inhaler. I told her Lyndia here is your inhaler- I am going to press- you breathe in. I did that for her twice. Some people were saying they wanted to sit her up in the seat- she opened her eyes and looked at me. She said DO NOT let them touch me. I won’t I assured her. The car was too mangled for them to get to her so I did not have to argue. Then fireman showed up and used the Jaws of Life to get the door open. They got her onto a backboard and into the ambulance. Everett the state trooper was there. He asked me if there was anything he could do. I said could you let Mike know? He said give me the number. I realized how serious it was when he wrote my phone number down onto his hand. Then someone asked me where my son was. Instantly I thought Regina (who everyone thought was a boy because of her fine blonde hair) had been thrown out of her car seat and they could not find her. That panic showed clearly because several people started describing my son to me. It took several moments for it to register, they meant Bret my nephew. I said he is in that car right- as I started to point I saw cars as far as I could see. There was a backup of 4 or miles of cars. New panic set in. I said Everett- my brother will kill me- I lost his son. He said no one is leaving till I find him, trust me. He was in the first car- the gentleman was a salesman for Wizard air fresheners. I had air fresheners for years; Bret is quite a charming young man. So they now had Lyndia and Bret loaded into the ambulance, Everett came over and asked me if I thought I could walk to the ambulance. I said yes, I started to get out of the car. I glanced down and there was my boot twisted up over the brake pedal and down under the clutch. I leaned back- I looked at Everett and said- I might have a problem. He looked in and said DO NOT MOVE. I won’t. A month prior there was another head on accident that one of the ladies had a foot cut off. The firemen came and looked- discussed cutting off the pedals. They asked me if it hurt. I said no. They asked me to wiggle my toes- I said I can’t feel them moving. Do you feel pain- No- just numb. Everett said Becky do you trust me. I said Yes. He said put your hands under your thigh. I did it. He said now lift your leg- just ever so little. Mike arrived somewhere about now. Our friend Randy had come over to the house and stayed with Regina so that Mike could come to the accident. We only lived about a mile from the accident site. I lifted, no pain- lifted more and my foot slipped out of the boot. although the boot was completely wedged between the pedals my foot was only in the top of the boot and was uninjured. I think all of the paramedics and officers all leapt for joy! I apologized and showed them when I can see my toes I can feel them! I attempt-ed to stand up and walk to the ambulance but my knee wouldn’t hold me. They wheeled me over to the ambulance and off to the emergency clinic we went. Mike followed the ambulance. We all got to the clinic and obviously Lyndia was seriously injured. They were getting her ready for a flight for life to Denver but the weather was preventing the helicopter from coming up. So they decided to send her by ambulance. There were broken ribs and a punctured lung at the bare minimum for her. I kept asking for Bret to be x-rayed although they were not doing that. I was laying on a bed in the clinic waiting for treatment of my knee, when Mike said Becky, close your eyes. I closed my eyes – he said do not move. I am going to take off your glasses. I said Why? And he urged me to be still. He took off my glasses and I could hear him running water. He then asked me to roll over and turn my head as far over as possible. He wiped my faced with a damp towel. He said ok- you can open your eyes. I opened them and he gave me my glasses back. I said- ok, what was that all about? He said your glasses were full of tiny shards of broken glass probably from the car. When I realized it I was concerned they would fall into your eyes. I looked at Mike and said to him ‘at least the car isn’t too bad. We can fix the car.’ He had the strangest look on his face when he replied yes, sure we will fix the car. Finally Lyndia was on her way to a Denver hospital and they came to explain why they were not going to x-ray Bret. Bret had been born with congenital hip problems and had been in a cast from the waist down till he was a year old. The Dr.’s explained he had been x-rayed so much because of that that they did not want to expose him unnecessarily. Yes it was a bad accident but he was in his seat belt in the back seat and was not complaining of or showing any injuries. So I hesitantly agreed to not x-ray him. They then looked after my knee. It was swollen to larger than my thigh. I had one tiny puncture where the ignition key had been driven into my knee on impact. They said there is no injury- it is only bruised. I was frustrated, tired and wanted to go home. I made a statement to Everett of how the accident transpired and learned that when I thought we are going to pass so did the other driver. She relaxed her leg which had her brakes locked up, once the brakes released the steering engaged and she was turned straight at us. Turned out when she came over the top of the hill she was going too fast and thought she could dodge around the cars in front of her. By the time she saw me it was too late.
Mike drove us home and took great care of me for days. Our bed-room was upstairs in the loft, but I wasn’t able to climb the stairs. Mike set me up on the couch and brought me food, drinks, TLC and more. I could not put weight on my knee and we decided to seek another opinion. That one said only a bruised knee. I began crying and told him, this can’t be just a bruise. I have had bruises, I cannot stand on this. We went to an orthopedic specialist we found in Denver. He at least sat and explained what they all meant by a ‘bruised knee’. Not just a black and blue mark. The knee cap was marked by the key on the outside causing bruising on the inside and into the joint as well. He said he will be 6 months or more before it doesn’t hurt all the time. To take it as easy as you can. Lyndia‘s right knee had been dislocated. It had been cut and the knee cap was flopped over out of place. They operated and put it all back in place. She recovered fairly well as did I, but for 17 years I could tell the weather by the amount of discomfort in my knee. Mike waited for two weeks before he took me to see the car. The car was so mangled. I said but you said we could fix it. He said I was afraid you would go into shock. I didn’t care about the car- I couldn’t believe you were alive!
I have always felt that Jesus became an ‘airbag’ for us. We were in a small compact car and were hit head on by a ¾ ton Chevrolet truck. The impact was estimated to be 90 MPH. It should have been fatal to all three of us. For the small amount of injury I be-lieve Jesus cushioned us and gave us excellent emergency care for our speedy recoveries.
I have pictures of Duke in this house laying at the edge of Regina’s baby blanket. When she rolled too close to the edge he would use his nose to roll her back to the center of the blanket.
Regina was about 11 months old when we moved out of the beautiful log home into their old home. I was angry and hurt. I felt like Mike was trying to turn me into Chris his ex-wife. I told him fine- if you have to do this then we are painting the whole house and re-placing the carpet and making it MY house. He said um….. It is wood paneling. Of course it is! Why would it be anything other than wood paneling! I moved into Chris’s house and was bent on making him regret this decision. About 7 or 8 months later Chris called us with a demand that we fly Keith back to Colorado. He was failing in school and acting out. We worked with him and got his grades up. Things were going well and he went back to California. Chris called us telling us that she was broke and going to go to welfare. That welfare would be coming after Mike for more child support. Mike told her fine- do whatever you have to, but realize that I have paid all the court ordered child support, I’ve paid all his medical bills there and here, we paid you for this house and when he was here his grades came up, so we will be fighting back for custody. She decided at that point to not open that battle.
Regina had an asthma attack that landed her in the hospital for her birthday. They placed her in a humidified oxygen tent over her crib. I felt like when she was born again, kept on the outside of her bubble of life. They tested her for Pneumonia and many other things. Her immune system was compromised and basically non-existent. They wanted to start her on prednisone which is a steroid that helps open the airways, but her Grandmother Maloney had died of side effects of prednisone, at least that was what I had been told. Her Uncle Pat had used it for 2 different 3 week peri-ods and had to go thru knee and hip replacement because of the side effects. I refused to allow them to use this medicine. They told me there were other options but none as effective and I was wrong about prednisone causing these problems in her blood line. I had them bring me the drug warning label and showed them. They called social services to have me removed for hindering her medical care. I walked that woman out of Regina’s room, explained my side of the story. I pointed out to her that I am the one that took her to the Doctor and agreed to transport her here- if I did not want medical care we would be at home. I do not want medical care that has a proven stronger potential to harm my daughter than others. She agreed with me and demanded they use alternative medicines.
The first Saturday after we got home from the hospital there was a knock on the door. I answered the door and Keith was standing there holding a big red heart box of valentine candy. His smile was so sweet. It was one of my favorite memories of Keith. Then one of the weekends he was over he had gone out to play and our neighbor Mary was watching Regina so I laid down for a nap. I woke up to someone banging on the door very hard. I ripped the door open, angry that I had been awoken. Keith was standing there with tar covering his arms up to his biceps. He was apologized for kicking the door but he didn’t want to get tar on it. I said is it burning you? He said no it isn’t hot. Ok, start telling me what happened while I get things together. I grab the lawnmower gas and pour a little on him and start rubbing. He tells me that Mary’s dog was caught in the tar pit and could not get out. So he wrapped his arms around it and pulled him free. They had raced the dog to the vet because he had swallowed the tar. I got my dawn dish soap and rubbed his arm. Nothing. I decided to call the poison control center. I dialed the number and a kind woman answered. I said my step son has tar stuck to his arms clear up to his biceps- she asks, is it hot? I chuckled and said that was my first question too- no it is not hot and it is solid. I have not been able to wipe it off. I tried gas and that just ran off of it. I tried dish soap and decided to call and see if you could help. She looked up and read to me that diesel fuel will break it down. Then use soap and water to get rid of the diesel. I thanked her and loaded Keith into the back of the truck. I grabbed a gas can and drove down to the Phillips 66 station. When he saw us he brought over a coffee can, pumped it half full of diesel and took us over to his parts cleaning area and got the tar off Keith. We then returned home, Keith showered and we went to check on Mary’s dog. They had brought him home and were trying to take care of him but later in the week they had to euthanize him. He had ingested too much tar to survive.
We did not earn enough money to support this house payment. Mike and I are both responsible debtors and were working extra shifts and anything we could to keep up with the payments. I finally got a night off of the newspapers. It was the first night off I had had in 6 weeks and was sleeping great when Mike called and woke me up to tell me he had won on a scratch lottery ticket. I said whatever, hung up disgruntled that he was that inconsiderate. I went back to sleep and he came in around 6 AM- get up, we have to go! I said I finally get ONE night off leave me alone! He showed me the ticket. I didn’t believe him. He nagged me out of bed and I got Regina up and ready to go. We drove to the Denver lottery office and received a check for $8,700.00. The ticket was a $10,000.00 winner and the state kept $1300.00 for taxes. We paid off the promissory note to Chris and paid down credit card debt. The house had 3 sliding glass doors which made it very hard to heat it- so we used some money to close the sliding doors to windows and we purchased an airtight wood burning stove. That ticket kept us from having to file bankruptcy. We ‘splurged’ with $400. And bought me ski gear. I got skis, boots, and a suit. Mike wanted to teach me to ski!
One of our usual chores in our newspaper business was hauling unsold newspapers out to the dump. Duke would get out at the entrance to the dump and run the 3 miles to the gate. He would stay with us till we parked the truck and then he would go ‘investi-gate’ while we cleaned out the truck. One day when I was all done I hollered for Duke. It took him about 10 minutes to get back to the truck. I was sitting on the tail gate smoking while waiting. Here he came in his usual style at a dead run. When he reached the truck he would jump in with such force I worried he would run into the front but always stopped himself. I was telling him he was good and closing the tailgate when the young man parked next to me said excuse me, did you call him Duke? I said yes I did- not a very original name but he likes his name. He then proceeded to tell me about his puppy that he gave up to join the military. I said this is your puppy according to what the lady at Fletchers told me. So he got to pet him and see that he was very happy.
Regina had another episode that sent us to the hospital for her 2nd birthday. Once again I had to battle them to not use prednisone. Being stuck in a hospital with a child is an interesting experience. They do not care if you get a chance to shower. Pretty much most of the time they simply want you to get out of their way. I under-stand that they have the medical knowledge that will help my child, but really do you not think my care is important? I would call my Uncle John who would kindly come pick me up, give me a bath-robe and I would get a bath at his house. He would wash and dry my clothes since I usually only had what I was wearing. He was a blessing to us in many ways.