You know, Mom used to say- if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all! I’ve used that thought in many ways in my adult life. When I realized I was gossiping, I would zip my lip, because gossip hurts everyone. I’ve many times thought a mean thought and not allowed it to cross my lips.
And if I am going to be honest there have been many times that thought didn’t cross my mind and I cut the heart out of someone I love with my words. It never was intentional. Not once did I think this will get them for good- but regardless of why I cut them to the bone with my words, I did. Please forgive me. If you want a face to face apology I am very willing and ready to give that. I do not recall every way I have hurt you with my words-but speak up, tell me and I will apologize, personally.
I recently was called onto the carpet about my actions, words and demeanor as a wife. She witnessed what she felt was unfair treatment of my husband. She minced no words in telling me how disrespectful I was. I have spent a lot of time pondering what she said. Whether I agreed why she was sharing this information was put aside and I could see why she said the things that she said. I do not believe she was 100% accurate, but I certainly did need to work on my attitude and demeanor towards my husband.
I sat down and apologized to him. I explained some of my frustration causing some of my ugliness towards him. We really communicated well. I’ve worked diligently at catching those snide comments and stopping them. I’ve put down my computer and listened to what he was telling me instead of just nodding and not hearing. I’ve seen great improvements in how he has been acting towards me. I’ve seen a gleam in his eyes again that hasn’t been there for a long time.
We actually even began talking about taking a REAL vacation. November marks our 30th anniversary. We’ve never had a honeymoon or vacation, just the two of us. He said Bahamas! A dream come true for me! I’ve always wanted to go the Caribbean ‘area’. I’ve been vacation shopping and thought I would show him what I had found this weekend so that we could either choose one or at least fine tune my search. Then a hiccup came along that has me writing a blog!
I was offered 2 round trip tickets to NYC for an overnight adventure. Wow! Another bucket list item for me, personally. Is it hard for us to take time off? Yes! We are self employed and it is hard to find reliable people to fill in for us. But for ONE night, I was not concerned. I was excited and ready for fun!
I didn’t get home until 9 PM which is late for me. We are busy and the business is growing so both Adriane and I are working hard at pleasing all of our clients. I thought my husband would be as excited as I was about a fun adventure.
While many words were spoken, these are the ones that kept replaying in my head, “YOU don’t even know how to have FUN, WHY would you want to something like THAT?” He then marched off to bed. After I finished another hour of work I cried myself to sleep.
I felt insulted and I wanted to lash out. Thankfully sleep prevented me from acting out on lashing out. I did have to distance myself throughout the next day as I spent time with God seeking wisdom. God pointed out to me that my husband lashed out because of fear. Fear the trip would cost too much, fear that he would disappoint me if he said that he didn’t want to go to NYC. Many times it is easier to drive our loved ones away, rather than communicate our own real concerns.
I wanted to defend myself when she called me out. I wanted to say but you don’t understand how he treats me. I wanted to make excuses for my poor treatment of my husband. Each time I tried to respond to her God asked me what I had been forgiven. I have been forgiven much, Lord. Can you forgive them? Your husband just wants to be loved. She just wants him to be loved. But, Lord he is …… and he does ……
God said, Forgive him. Love him as you love your neighbor, as you love yourself. Well yea, but I am nice to me! I think God laughed at me then….. I do love him. I am still reeling in hurt at this moment, but I love him. I know he loves me, whether I am fun or not. I am ready to forgive and not strike back. He is sleeping but somewhere around our 4AM ritual of work I will reach out to him and tell him I am sorry for not being fun and that I love him.
As the days keep ticking by more and more I learn about my ‘free’ tickets. 1st, they are not free. Oh my! I do think there is a possibility that they may help us on one leg of our anniversary vacation. Soon I will get more information about these tickets and have more of our questions answered. At this point it looks like I am not going to be crossing NYC off of my bucket list, just yet. I will make it there some day!
Remember to chose your words wisely. Don’t lash out and hurt your loved ones. Without God in my life I would have made my husbands poor choice of words another long session of trading insults and disrespecting him. Thankfully God encouraged me to ‘let it go’. In the big scheme of things- does it really matter?
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
It is far more important to love each other, than to ‘get even’ when we get hurt!