I am happy that the world is getting behind this movement. Children have been trafficked, molested, raped and tortured for decades without any substantial help from us the public.
I am putting a few words down on this issue to try to open people’s eyes, hearts and minds. If you read my blog starting at ‘Yes, My Name is Rebecca’ I tell you of many years of abuse, the lifetime of recovery and so forth. But stop thinking only men are pedophiles. Read more of my blogs to see the sexual, physical and mental abuse my male cousin suffered at the hands of his mother.
While my mother never sexually assaulted me she set me up to be used for sex. She married 4 times and lived with several other men. The first two I never knew but out of the rest of them I was raped or molested by all but one of them. I’ve walked thru forgiving my mother for her poor parenting choices in my life. And while the men were guilty of the acts my mother could have set me up to succeed instead of setting me up to fail.
Stop making your children hug and kiss people that they don’t want to. Children are full of love- even the shy ones. If they are not comfortable giving it DO NOT MAKE THEM. The message you teach them is they have no say and have to do what the adults say. I was warned to stay away from Uncle Owen and I did stay away from him. I was not warned to stay away from my father- I didn’t believe I had the right to tell him no. I did tell him no and he pulled out his gun. I was told not to tell the family secrets for as long as I can remember.
I am grateful my grandchildren are raised in homes that have NO secrets. They can tell me anything, they can tell their parents anything. Yes they tell on me when I get mad and yell at them. Yes they tell me when their parents get pulled over. And sometimes their parents get mad and yell too. But my point is there are no secrets. NONE. I was always told don’t tell Linda we were at the bar all night. Don’t tell the Harroways (babysitters) that Mommy doesn’t EVER work late- she goes to the bar and forgets to pick me up but just tell them Mommy is working late again. When children have to keep your secrets, then they have to keep the secrets of pedophiles. I kept all of their secrets for years. It nearly destroyed me.
And for you tough guys out there- please think long and hard about this. My brother was my guardian angel. Dave was 13 years old than me. He taught me how to fight. He taught me self defense. He was the strongest man I ever knew. I also knew that Dave would kill any of my abusers. I am not overstating this. If I had told Dave he would have killed them. I did not want my brother to go to jail. I chose to not tell my guardian angel because even though I was raped, beaten and broken- I knew I needed my brother in my life and not in a jail cell because he sought revenge. I know you mean well- but you might be helping keep the secrets because your sister, daughter, son, niece, nephew, cousin, neighbor won’t tell you what happened because they need you to not lose control and kill their abuser.
They need you to talk to them. They need you to be nosy. They need you to be a safe person for them to be with. And if they don’t want to leave you to be with Uncle so and so……. don’t make them. Look for the hidden signs…. if you do even simple research at this time you’ll find clues to look for. In my area we have a group that works with the forensic investigations of child abuse. They have lots of resources – some you can find here: https://www.riverbridgerc.org/resources/
My gut reaction each time I learn of another abused child is to seek revenge and end the life of the abuser. But God leads my path in life and reminds me that He is in control- not me. So even though we want to harm them- we need to keep the victim in mind and do what is best for them. The victim needs us. They need to be loved, accepted and given room to heal. For us to go to jail seeking revenge means more loss that is avoidable. So please stop telling those little angels you’ll kill anyone that harms them…… because they won’t tell you when it happens.
And I say when it happens not if. While the statistics say otherwise- in my personal experience EVERY woman I know has been abused. Some of them were only once. Some of them were often. Whether I know the women well, are just acquaintances or have crossed my path any other way- ALL of them have been abused by someone before they were 18. Thankfully I only know of 2 ladies who was abused as severely as I was. I wish I had the answers that would end this plight NOW. I don’t. I am willing to discuss this with anyone to help everyone find answers. Remember NO secrets! Let your kids tell on your mistakes- your parents are just going to laugh. And it will help your children. Grandparents let your grandkids tell on you…… your children will laugh and it will help both your children and your grandchildren. Teachers, babysitters, Aunts, Uncles and EVERYONE! NO SECRETS!!
My Voice 